Friday, September 19, 2008

Questioning God

Most days life seem to just carry on as usual, but last night somehow I was thinking and crying a lot about Christa. Visions of her just kept playing in my head...the good times and then suddenly it would jump to when she was sick and then I remembered the day when she was slipping away. I started asking God," What could possibly be the purpose for all of this?".....And then He reminded me of something Chloe and Christa's friend's mom shared with me a few weeks back. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it here...

She told me about how the family had experienced a robbery in their home where armed men came in and put her and the children in the back room while tying her husband up in the living room. She told me how she just sensed the peace from God during that whole time upon her and the children even during that whole ordeal. And then she shared with me how being at Christa's memorial and hearing what Carl said about not letting Christa's death be in vain by each of us pondering about where we are with God made her think about the most important thing she could give to her children was for them to know and love God. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but that just really blessed us so much to hear that somehow Christa's life and death was not just a random unfortunate thing that happened to us. God knew from the moment she was conceived how many days she would have and what her purpose in life would be. I can't say that it makes it any easier for us, but at least knowing that helps me to trust Him even in the darkest moment of our lives.

If you are reading this blog of mine and have somehow either been blessed by Christa's life and death whether you know us or not, I would like for you to share it with me as we draw close to celebrating Christa's birthday next month on the 14th of October....her would have been 4th birthday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HI Vivian
I'm responding to your request for comments...I don't know you but we have mutual friends and I have prayed for you all since hearing of Christa's illness. I have visited your blog occasionally and have valued your honesty and steadfast faith. You are walking a path that must be every parent's nightmare and my heart aches for you and your pain. May God continue to strengthen you and walk WITH you all the way!

My adopted son is a month older than Christa and we celebrate his 4th 'welcome day' (the day of his adoption) on Oct 13th. This year we will also remember you and your family on the eve of Christa's 4th birthday.

much love