Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Could this be our year of jubilee?

I have not written on this blog for a long time as we have been incredibly busy moving to a new country, building a new life, and constantly adding to our family. There are now 6 of us where there was 4 when we left for New Zealand. And very soon we will welcome another addition to our family. Our surprise baby is due on none other than Christa's birthday! What a wonderful coincidence on the 7th year of her passing and I feel incredibly blessed because of our Lord Jesus Christ, for all that He has done for us...carrying us through those deepest, darkest moments and yet sprinkling such joy and wonder to lift us up and show us that He is indeed near to the broken hearted. We continue to remember Christa each year on her earthly and heavenly birthday, and perhaps this year we will welcome another baby girl on the day we celebrate her earthly birthday. God is good. Thank you to everyone who has supported us and encouraged us along the way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Happy Would be 5th Birthday

14th October 2004-the day Christa entered this world and became part of our family. Who would have known that we would only have her for 3 and a half short years?

Today in Auckland they found the body of the toddler that was missing since last week. How would the family have known that the day they went to clear the grandparent's house would be the last time they would see their precious daughter? It is so easy to take life forgranted especially the ones around us that we see everyday. I myself am guilty of that all the time....another story? another nappy to change? more whining? Why can't I just have some peace and quiet to do my own thing? But what if there was no tomorrow to share? What if all I had was peace and quiet? Oh God, on this day as we remember Christa's birthday, please help me to also remember the precious gift of life that you have given us and not to take anything or anyone forgranted. Help me to live moment by moment; not thinking too far ahead and wishing for things to come, or dwelling on the past and ignoring the present.

I miss you so much my precious little Christa. Rachel is reminding me so much of you. You would have so enjoyed having her as your little sister. Tomorrow would have been your first day at big school with Chloe. Chloe and I think that you would have been the tallest girl in class! We love you lots. You are always in our hearts and minds....forever a part of us.

Monday, May 4, 2009

My heart

Proverbs 14:10
Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy.

Proverbs 14:13
Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief

A sorrow that words cannot express is what I am going through inwardly right now. The storm has come and gone. Everything is quiet and still. The sun is even shining right now, but the shattered pieces from the storm are still left behind. I miss Christa...I cherish the memories of her, but I can't have anymore of her. There will be no new experiences to share, or new memories to be made. All I have is in the past except for the hope of a future one day when we shall meet again in heaven. But for now I have to be content with whatever I have right now.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Christa's first birthday in heaven

One whole year since you left this earth to be in heaven with Jesus,
No words can describe the aching and longing I've felt for you,
Life seems to go on but yet it's not quite the same without you in our lives,
What wouldn't I give to have you back in our lives, or even for one more moment of just holding you close
But today as think of the day you slipped away from us,
I think also of how you were 'born' into heaven to be with Jesus for all eternity
In my 'selfishness' I still mourn for you
But in my heart of hearts I know that there is no where else you would rather be than with our God and Maker
Happy 1st Birthday in heaven my sweet child...funny how you will be 'older' in heaven than you parents!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


We were listening to our WOW2007 CD in the car this weekend and Chloe started talking about this song and how she knows what loves means. It got me kind of curious and I picked up the CD cover and read a bit about this song, and that is when I realised it was written by someone by the name of Christa and it spoke of God's love holding us through unspeakable pain. And then I looked up the lyrics during the week and found this little devotional together with it from http://www.christian-music-lyrics-for-daily-devotions.com/held.html

It says:"The song "Held" sung by Natalie Grant is a powerful song of God's love holding us and sustaining us through unspeakable pain. The lyrics were written by a woman who tells the story in the first verse of two of her friends. One was a woman who's husband died within two months of being diagnosed with cancer. The second friend had finally had a baby after praying and trying for several years. The baby was healthy and growing and died in his sleep at only eight months.
I don't know how big your pain is, but I do know God is bigger. I know that He is big enough to take every bit of the pain and anger you can throw at Him and love you through it all. God never promises that we'll be saved from the nightmares of this life but He does promise that when everything falls He'll be there to hold you."

"Held" lyrics:

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior

© 2005 Christa Wells

Been feeling kind of numb lately. Memories of Christa's last few months still haunts me with much sadness. It's hard to keep remembering and feeling the pain over and over. On one hand I want to trust God and grow, and on the other hand I've got to admit it's incredibly hard when I hear of people's prayers being answered and I wonder why God didn't hear us when we cried out to Him for our precious little girl. So it seems easier to not feel. That way I won't be too angry or sad or anything. But somehow even in the numbness of it all, the pain still lingers. Oh, how I wish I could truly know what it means to be held....

Monday, October 13, 2008

Happy Birthday to my Little Angel

My sweet little Christa,

Wish you could be here to celebrate your 4th birthday. I have a feeling it might have been a Little Mermaid birthday this year. You came into this world in such a special way....I actually saw you from under the water while you were being born! What a special moment that was. I will treasure that moment forever.

I thank God as I think of you. I'm thankful for all the moments we shared together. Your cute cheeky smiles, and all the wonderful hugs you gave daddy and I. You filled our lives with so much love and laughter. You were such a fun sister for Chloe. She misses you so much and often misses you as her playmate. Little Rachel has been having a lot of hiccups lately and she often smiles when I say "hiccup" to her, just like the day she spent with you on your bed hiccuping and made you laugh.

We love you so much my dear sweet Christa, and long to see you again in heaven soon. I don't know if they celebrate birthdays in heaven. I'm kind of thinking that your birthday in heaven is probably the 7th of March. But I hope that you will know that you are loved and remembered so much by your family and we will always continue to celebrate the day you came into this world and brought so much joy and love to our hearts.

Happy Would-be 4th Birthday Little Christa!