Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Our Day at the Beach-Pieces of Christa

We were blessed with lovely weather on Sunday, and so we decided to take the opportunity to enjoy the sun a bit and headed out to Fish Hoek beach with the family after church and Sunday lunch. I had grabbed the packet with the children's 'sandcastle stuff' which we haven't used for a while and packed it in the car earlier in the morning.

Chloe and her friend Sinead wanted to build sandcastles. So I opened up the packet and started emptying all the buckets and spades, and to my surprise I found a pair of pink pants in the packet. It must have been left in there from the time we last went to the beach. And suddenly I remembered the last time we were at the exact same beach when Christa had worn that exact pink pants with hearts on it and she had gotten it wet and sandy which was how this pants ended up in the packet with the sandcastle stuff! I couldn't believe it! It probably sounds really silly, but it meant soooo much to me just to hold it. I felt like God in some way had 'left' the pants for me to find on that day. To just have that visual reminder of her made her feel that much closer and sort of 'with' us as we spent that day on the beach. Then I remembered that I had taken a picture of us at the beach that day with Christa on my phone. And so I looked it up, and there it was....21st of March 2007 (5 1/2 months before she was diagnosed, almost a year before she went to be with Jesus, 1. 5 years when I found it!) Anyway, I have been thinking about her and missing her so much these past few days. But I said to Carl that day, I'm not going to wash these pants! I'm keeping them in Christa's box of memories.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Questioning God

Most days life seem to just carry on as usual, but last night somehow I was thinking and crying a lot about Christa. Visions of her just kept playing in my head...the good times and then suddenly it would jump to when she was sick and then I remembered the day when she was slipping away. I started asking God," What could possibly be the purpose for all of this?".....And then He reminded me of something Chloe and Christa's friend's mom shared with me a few weeks back. I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it here...

She told me about how the family had experienced a robbery in their home where armed men came in and put her and the children in the back room while tying her husband up in the living room. She told me how she just sensed the peace from God during that whole time upon her and the children even during that whole ordeal. And then she shared with me how being at Christa's memorial and hearing what Carl said about not letting Christa's death be in vain by each of us pondering about where we are with God made her think about the most important thing she could give to her children was for them to know and love God. I can't remember exactly how she phrased it, but that just really blessed us so much to hear that somehow Christa's life and death was not just a random unfortunate thing that happened to us. God knew from the moment she was conceived how many days she would have and what her purpose in life would be. I can't say that it makes it any easier for us, but at least knowing that helps me to trust Him even in the darkest moment of our lives.

If you are reading this blog of mine and have somehow either been blessed by Christa's life and death whether you know us or not, I would like for you to share it with me as we draw close to celebrating Christa's birthday next month on the 14th of October....her would have been 4th birthday.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Dreaming of Christa

Today as I was driving Chloe to school she told me about a dream she had of Christa. She said Christa was 'hiding' in the 'Bunnies' class (the school they go to divide the children according to age and name the classes after different animals). She said that their teacher Judy said she found Christa hiding in the classroom, and when Chloe found her they went outside and played in the playground and Christa had the "HAPPIEST DAY EVER!":) I just love how she said that. Funny enough I also had a dream about Christa coming back. Unfortunately I can't remember the details because I was drifting in and out of sleep as little Rachel has not been feeling very well and she's been waking up a lot at night these past few nights. I wish I could dream of her every night. At least then it won't seem like she's so far away....

My first oil painting of Christa's fairy flower-ie. Crane Flower/ Birds of Paradise.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Art for Christa

I've always wanted to paint and had a friend that I wanted to learn from. However as life goes, we are always too busy with the kids to actually get together. Anyway, I decided one day after Chloe's party that I wanted to paint a picture that I took of her from the party in the garden. And that was it-I was hooked! This is my very own first acrylic painting, and I am planning to do one of Christa in heaven holding her favorite puppy. I had this picture in mind, based a little on this figurine that I bought and placed on top of Christa's urn which reminded me of her. I'm working on the drawing to get it right first before I paint it since I don't have the exact picture to paint from and I've just pieced together parts of her to make up this picture. But anyway, the drawing so far looks like this....

Still have lots to work on, but hopefully I'll get there one day. In the mean time I also did a painting of Christa's fairy flower ( which people have confirmed are called crane flower in South Africa and Birds of Paradise in Malaysia). It is still drying on our dining room table at this very moment. Will post a pic when it's done.

I am thinking of selling my paintings and drawings that I have thus far so that I can get more materials and do more paintings without bankrupting the family in the process. So if anyone likes them and wants some art and in the process help out an aspiring artist please let me know! That way I'll also know that at least someone out there does like it and I don't totally suck at it...hahah:)